7 Hallmarks of Healthy Christian Singles.

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend that inspired this post. She shared with me that she has been in a string of unhealthy relationships as of late and at times even toxic ones. To process and unpack her experiences, together, we came up with a list of things that we both believed are traits of healthy single christians. I want to share them with you.

If you are currently navigating the ever-changing reality of being single in today's culture, I want to assure you that you are not alone.

As relationships and family life continue to evolve in America, a rising share of U.S. adults are singles. A recent Pew Research Center analysis of a census date from 2019 indicated that roughly 38% of U.S. adults are unpartnered which is sharply higher than the 29% in 1990. Several factors may have contributed to this increase in the percentage of single adults, but the point is that there are more single adults in this generation than in previous generations, for better or for worse.

For people who are part of this single adult demographic, it's important to learn how to be a healthy and flourishing single adult while trusting God to change your season.

But, the question is... what are the qualities of a healthy single adult? Here is the list that my friend and I came up with.

#1 - They are spiritually grounded and in godly community.

In Psa. 1:2-3, the bible describes a person who is firmly planted in the Word of God. It says this person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither – whatever they do prospers. This is the portrait of a believer who is rooted in scripture and is actively living out its truth in community with other believers.

#2 - They are committed to heal from past relationships and past trauma.

God heals all wounds. But we have to be willing to do the work necessary to heal from past relationships and past wounds. His promise to us is that “he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” Psa. 147:3. The best gift that you can ever give to your future relationship is the healed version of you.

"The best gift you can ever give to your future relationship is the healed verson of you." – Meron Araya

#3 - They have good financial stewardship.

God is the source of all of our resources including money. Learning to steward your finances well is an integral part of your walk with God. One of the top reasons for divorce is trouble with finances and disagreement on how the finances will be handled. The patterns of money you currently have as a single person will be the same pattern you bring into a relationship. It’s important to build good financial stewardship habits as a single christian [Prov. 13:11].

#4 - There is clear evidence of the fruits of the Spirit in their lives.

The saying “pay attention to what they do and not just what they say” bears so much truth. The evidence of a healthy believer is in their fruit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control” [Gal. 5:22-23].

#5 - They have healthy boundaries with themselves and others.

Boundaries are necessary to create margin for your values to flourish. Even God has boundaries with us. We have boundaries with ourselves. We ought to have boundaries with others. People who have their own boundaries are more likely to honor other people’s boundaries as well.

#6 - They use their gifts to serve others in the church.

Giving and serving others is a sign of maturity. God encourages us to serve one another. “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms” [1 Pet. 4:10]. Using your gifts to serve others also helps to grow your gifts.

#7 - They are committed to pursue their God-given purpose for thier lives.

Pursuing God’s purpose for your life is both an internal and external work. The fullness of God’s promises for your life is hidden in the purpose he gave you to accomplish here on earth. For he knows the plans he has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future [Jerm. 29:11]. It’s important to partner with the Holy Spirit to fully engage and navigate God’s purpose for your life which is a life long commitment to discipleship.

To conclude,

I pray that you will be led by the Holy Spirit in all matters of the heart including relationships. I hope you found this list helpful.  What would you add to the list? Or which one resonated with you the most? I would love to read our thoughts.